A little over two years ago I decided to buy a new desktop.  When I buy something I have a tendency to go all out and buy the best thing on the market.  After some research I decided that an Alienware computer would be best, so I went online and custom ordered the best computer available. I wanted a sick gaming computer and all the reviews had Alienware as the nuts. I ended up spending $5,200.

    I was told the computer would be at my house by mid November (two weeks) and I couldn’t wait.  Well, three weeks later I was getting a little impatient and called them up to inquire about the status of the computer.  They informed me that the video card was back-ordered and that they would deliver the computer by the end of the week.  The following week I called to ensure the delivery was made.  I was then told that there was a backup in assembly because of all the orders coming in during the holiday season and that it would definitely be at my house by Christmas.

    Christmas came and went and finally my computer arrived a few days later.  When the computer was delivered, a huge dent was in a corner of the box, but I didn’t give up hope.  I hooked all the peripherals up and booted up.  Immediately I noticed that something was wrong because I was running Windows XP and the colors were way off.  Instead of the blue screen that I was used to, there was a very dull sickly sea green color.

I then called customer service and explained the situation.  They transferred me over to tech support to figure out the problem.  Apparently there is a required number of hours that has to be spent with tech support before the computer can be sent back in to the warehouse to be looked at.  After having to call back in a few times to go through this whole process all over again (my cell phone would continually disconnect after about an hour because I lived in the basement) I was allowed to send the computer back in for service.

I shipped the computer back and four weeks later it was at my door, this time sopping wet and in the same dented box.  Regardless, I hooked everything up and the same problem persisted. I called customer service and requested a full refund.  They informed me that there would be a 15% restocking fee if I decided to send the computer back.  This meant that they wanted me to pay $780 for a computer that was seven weeks late, cost me around eight hours of time, and never even worked out of the box.

The customer service rep. assured me that they could fix the computer if I would just give them one more opportunity to fix it by sending it back.  Reluctantly, I agreed and shipped the computer back to them.  Two weeks later the computer arrived back on my doorstep and in a new box!

Again, I hooked up all the peripherals and booted the computer up. This time the colors were fixed and everything seemed to be working just fine.  After loading a few programs onto my computer I decided to play one of my computer games.  I loaded the game and within five minutes the game completely froze the computer.  I had to do a hard re-boot and tried it again.  This time it only took a few seconds after running the game before the computer froze.

I called customer service yet again and went through the 10 minute process of being connected to tech support.  After being disconnected numerous times I unhooked everything, brought the computer upstairs and called them back.  Keep in mind that on every call, it took over 20 minutes before I could speak with a real human.  I memorized my stupid nine digit alienware customer number because I had to type it in so many damn times.  I even tried to ask for a direct line to call back when the inevitable happened and we’d get disconnected, but they refused.  I asked if I could give them my number and if they could give me a call back when we got disconnected, but again they refused (even the managers).  After many hours on the phone they ultimately decided that I would have to send the computer back in for a third time to the warehouse.

I called customer service back and demanded a full refund again.  They informed me that since three months had passed since I bought the computer (the three months had passed four days prior) there was no way they could allow a refund.  I was outraged.  I explained the situation to a few different managers and eventually I expected to talk with someone who would see the situation for what it was instead of just reading out of a book of company policy, but that wasn’t the case.  I thought about suing them, but I would have spent more than the computer was worth in time and money.  As it was I had already spent at least fifty hours on the phone with customer service and tech support.

They agreed to let me send the computer back to them for a fourth time to see if they could fix the problem and four weeks later the computer was back on my doorstep still unable to run the computer game.  Eventually I gave up and decided the aggravation wasn’t worth it and only used the $5,200 computer for basic tasks like checking e-mails, playing poker, etc.

Last week (now coming up on two years), even basic computer functions became impossible. The computer would no longer boot up and began making horrible noises.  I decided that I needed to put this ridiculous situation behind me, so I called Tru up and we headed up to the mountains with my computer and a twelve gauge shotgun.  Ten minutes later, the computer looked better than it ever had.

I think that computer was a lemon from the first day I bought it, but rather than resolve the situation, the company gave me the run around, squandered my time, and treated me like complete dirt. I would like to encourage any readers of my blog to get their skulls examined if they ever even consider buying an Alienware comp.  They are way overpriced, their customer service is the worst I’ve ever had to deal with, and it still tilts me to even think about that company. I will say that they make good targets.

So here’s to you, Alienware. Five shots of triple ought buck!